i was taking an antibiotic for upper respiratory complications.
the medicine that i was taking prevented me from sleeping much through the night (from Monday through Friday) - i decided not to take the last pill - because i have had enough of all the side effects of the medicine. i am feeling better now, so, no worries. =)
on friday evening, we had a youth Christmas banquet. we stayed in raleigh afterwards, and this is where i believe God began to deal with me in a very real way about hunger. (it will make sense in a few...)
falling asleep
it was close to 1 a.m. and dan and i were both falling slowly asleep while watching the dog whisperer in our hotel room.
alas! sleep
2 a.m. rolled around, i had dozed off, but woke up with tears flowing from my eyes, feeling as if my throat was being held shut, i couldn't breathe.
freaking out
that was all it took, i freaked out, then woke dan, which i hate to do, but i was really afraid and wasn't sure if this was yet another side effect of the medicine i had been taking. (when i called the pharmacist about the side effects i was having, days prior, he asked me if i was having trouble breathing, at that point, i wasn't... but i remembered that conversation when i woke up at 2 a.m. on saturday morning)
dan prayed for me and dozed back off.
it was 2:45 a.m. and i was still awake, not as freaked out as i was before, but my stomach began to feel so hungry!
at 2:45 a.m. i rummaged through my change purse to see what kind of coins i had for something from the vending machine that i dreamed was outside of my door, along with the soda machine. peanut butter crackers is what my heart was set on.
i quietly opened the door to our hotel room, and headed to the vending machine, only to find a soda machine. that's it, only a soda machine.
i went back to the room and slowly climbed back into bed, trying not to disturb my husband. (as i sulked)
i turned the t.v. back on to try to fall asleep again, i think it helped, by 3:35 i had fallen back asleep, only to be awakened by the smell of breakfast being made on the floor below us. "yes!" i thought, "it must be 6 a.m. already" - this is the most sleep i have had (consecutive hours-wise, in a week!)
i rolled over and turned the alarm clock toward me, "what?! it was only 4 a.m.!"
i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry and i had nothing - i even thought of getting in my car and going through a mcdonald's drive-thru, anything to get some food, the hunger i felt was all i could think about.
i found one peppermint mento in my purse, and thought that might help.
through this past week, i hadn't eaten much because of the medicine, my stomach was sensitive to everything - so for me to feel hungry was different from the usual feeling i had when i thought of food.
i thought, "i will never be able to fall asleep with the wonderful smell of breakfast beneath me!" i had two more hours until breakfast would be served. this was absolutely horrible.
i prayed that God would help me ignore the smell of the food that i wanted to badly, and help me fall back asleep quickly.
i began to think of those who go hungry every night, those that have no place to sleep, to stay warm. i honestly felt like God was trying to show me something.
the next thing i remember was waking up at 8 a.m., getting myself together, just enough to take the elevator down to get breakfast. I slept from a little after 4 until 8 - this was a major success in my week!
i came back to the room, took my first bite, man, food never tasted so good! i made a waffle, brought up a blueberry muffin and a fruit and cheese danish for dan, along with two cups of coffee. it was just what i wanted.
the more i have pondered the events of that evening, my thoughts are not only about those that go without food, but it has developed into a spiritual thought over the past few days.
david said, "O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water."
i thought of the man vs. wild episode i watched that evening, this crazy guy was in the dessert in south africa, searching for something, anything to eat or drink to sustain his life.
psalm 107:9 says, "For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness."
job 23:12 says, "Neither have I gone back from the commandment of his lips; I have esteemed the words of his mouth more than my necessary [food]. "
if only i hungered for God like i hungered that evening, i think i would be right on track.
God is changing me in so many ways, and i am so very thankful for it.
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